UNRESOLVED EMOTIONS..........................LETTER TO A LOST LOVE....

CAN U BE ATTACHED TO SOMEONE EVEN AFTER YEARS OF NOT TALKING TOO OR SEEING THAT PERSON...OR BETTER YET DENYING YOURSELF FROM EVEN LOOKING AT HER PICTURES THOUGH U WANT TO FOR THE FEAR OF FACING THE ONE WORD U HATE...REGRET...I HEARD YOUR NAME TODAY AND ALL THESE ITS NEVER TOO LATE FEELINGS SHOWED UP OUTTA NOWHERE...I GUESS THEY WERE JUST BOTTLED IN...I USED TO ALWAYS TUCK MY FEELINGS ASIDE AFRAID TO BE HONEST TO PEOPLE FOR FEAR OF HURTING THEM OR CAUSING TENSION BUT LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME...LOL...HERE WRITING THIS SITTING ON THE GRASS OUTSIDE ENJOYING THE SOUR POWER...HHHHHHHHHMMMMM.. YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN'T COMPLAIN I'VE GROWN INTO A VERY STRONG MINDED HONEST DRIVEN SPIRITUAL MAN STILL WORKING ON THE FLAWS BUT I KNOW NOW MY MOTHER WOULD BE PROUD OF ME...YEAH ME AND MY MOTHER COOL NOW..I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH HATE AND RESENTMENT I HAD FOR HER BUT I REALIZED PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE WE ALL HAVE FLAWS BUT HONESTY FREES YOUR SPIRIT...FUCK I SHOULD JUST STOP NOW..........NO.....ITS TIME I JUST GET THIS OFF MY CHEST...AND HONESTLY I WISH U THE THE BEST IN THE WORLD YOU DESERVE IT...U KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN A HATER..U STILL HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE IN THE WORLD TOO ME..SEE I RESPECT YOU SO SEEING U HAPPY ULTIMATELY MAKES ME HAPPY...I'VE COME TO MY OWN CONCLUSION TO THE FACT THAT PAIN/LOVE WALKS HAND IN HAND....LIES BRING PAIN AND DRAMA AND MISSED COMMUNICATION MIXED WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S OPINIONS TAKING U FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH..AND HONESTY STRENGTHENS LOVE ..DAMN THIS H uRTs.............I STILL FIND MYSELF READING THAT POEM U WROTE TO ME...DAMN IM BUGGIN..BUT U KNOW WHAT IT'S THOSE SAME EXPERIENCES THAT TAUGHT ME TO BE HONEST....IT REALLY EASES YOUR LIFE AND MAKES IT MORE ENJOYABLE..BUT THANKS TO BLOGGING.. LOL ...I CAN BRING THESE THOUGHTS OUTTA MY MIND TO U THE WAY THAT I WANT IT TO BE INTERPRETED.,,HOPEFULLY U STUMBLE UPON THIS...SO YEAH AS I WAS SAYING I FEEL IN LIFE ITS ALWAYS PEOPLE THAT HAVE AN IMPACT ON YOU TO THE POINT WHERE NO MATTER WHAT PLACE OR SITUATION YOU ARE IN LIFE WHETHER GOOD OR BAD...U ALWAYS THINK ABOUT THEM WHEN CERTAIN EVENTS HAPPENS CAUSE THESE PEOPLE SORTA ARE A PART OF U FOREVER...NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT U WERE THE CAUSE OF MY LAST I WOULD SAY THE 2 BEST GIRLFRIENDS IVE EVER HAD BREAKING UP WITH ME...IN MY HEART, MIND, AND SPIRIT...AND AS FAR AS YOUR BODY I ENJOYED GETTING GET LOST IN THE THOUGHTS OF YOU...I FELT WE WERE PERFECT...AND ITS FUNNY I THINK EVERYONE INTERNALLY WOULD SAY WE LOOK GOOD TOGETHER BUT BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF BELIEF IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITIES AND FEAR OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE HATE THAT WOULD BE WITH ME AND YOU BEING TOGETHER...I DIDN'T FIGHT FOR YOU...I'M ABLE TO SAY NOW THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE FULL AFFECT OF LOVE BUT THE COMPLICATED PART ABOUT IT IS U HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHO U TRULY FALL FOR...YOUR HEART DOES WHAT IT WANTS THEN YOU USE YOUR BRAIN..MY LAST RELATIONSHIP WAS IN TURMOIL DUE TO THE FACT THAT I COULDN'T SEE MY SELF LETTING GO OF THE MEMORIES OF YOU WHICH DIDN'T HELP MY RELATIONSHIP...ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR POEMS SITTING IN MY INBOX AND MY GIRL AT THE TIME READING IT...AND US GETTING INTO ARGUMENTS BECAUSE OF ME NOT WANTING TO DELETE THEM...IT WASN'T FAIR TO HER AT ALL...SHE WAS A GOOD WOMAN...FUCK..I WAS ABLE TO TALK TO HER AND BE HONEST...I KNOW ON A POSITIVE NOTE SHE LEARNED A LOT FROM ME ABOUT LIFE AND FAITH AND VICE VERSA...AND IF SHE FORGIVES ME COOL IF SHE DOESN'T COOL...I'VE LEARNED TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR MY PAST FAILURES..WHICH ENABLED ME TO GROW AND MOVE TOWARD BECOMING THAT PERSON THAT I SEE IN MYSELF...AND NOW I LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH...I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS I LOVE MY FAMILY AND I'M GROWING UP AS A BUSINESS MAN AND I'M MORE IN LOVE WITH MUSIC THAN I'VE EVER BEEN....KNOWING I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE ANYMORE..TILL THIS DAY I LOVE HER AND SHE HAS MY RESPECT AS WELL..I JUST KNEW DEEP DOWN INSIDE WHERE ME AND GOD USUALLY INDULGE IN CONVERSATION I KNEW IN MYSELF THAT...ONE DAY I WOULD BE WRITING THIS ABOUT YOU..MAYBE IN A PAST LIFE...HHHHHHHHHMMMMMM NEVER MIND....I LOST THE WOMAN THAT I LOVED AND LOST THE WOMAN THAT LOVED ME THAT I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH..ALL CAUSE OF NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF....I FORCED MYSELF TO PUSH U AWAY...RATHER THAN ME LOVE U AND NOT HAVE THE COURAGE TO FIGHT FOR U...FOR WHAT I FELT WAS MINE...I FELT YOU HATING ME WOULD BE BETTER TO DEAL WITH CAUSE I COULD ALWAYS RUN AWAY AND I COULD LOVE U AT A DISTANCE,,, STRESS FREE WHERE ONLY I WOULD KNOW HOW I FEEL... AND PLUS I REALLY WOULDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT FOR U...THAT WAS STUPID RIGHT...LOL.THEY SAY ITS NEVER TOO LATE.. SO I HAD TO GET ALL THIS OFF MY BRAIN AND HEART..ITS BEEN TRAPPED FOR TOO LONG..WITH U IT WAS ALL HONESTY..I FELT FREE..THERE WASN'T EVER ANY PRESSURE AND ITS CRAZY HOW WE MET AND ALL THE DRAMA THAT SURROUNDED US..WE BOTH BUILT EACH OTHER..AND I DON'T THINK WE EVEN KNEW...THAT'S HOW REAL IT WAS...I WAS REALLY LOST BACH THEN..YOU USED TO HELP ME KEEP MY GRIP ON REALITY....WE USED TO TALK "IN" THE PHONE FOR HOURS AT A TIME....BREAKING DAY LIKE VERY DAY..TIME REALLY STOOD STILL...ITS LIKE WE TALKED THROUGH OUR SPIRITS...THOUGH I RARELY SAW U ITS LIKE U WAS ALWAYS THERE IN A SENSE...I REMEMBER SEEING U..AND WHEN U SAT NEXT TO ME WHEN WE ALL WAS PLAYING DOMINOES...I FELT CHILLS..DAMN THE TENSION WAS THICK THAT DAY..THESE MEMORIES HAVE BECOME AT A PART OF ME....I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN I MET U..I WAS WAS LIKE WOW....I WANT HER...SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY THAT DRIVE THAT MADE ME WANT U SO MUCH WAS OVER TAKEN BY FEAR....U WERE NEVER THE ONE TO DESTROY BUT BUILD..I STILL REGRET NOT KISSING YOUR LIPS...ITS CRAZY I USED TO HAVE THIS DREAM ALL THE TIME... I WOULD BE KISSING SOMEONE BUT I COULD NEVER SEE HER FACE...U KNOW WHAT I CAN LOOK BACK AND SAY U HAVE HAD A HUGE INFLUENCE IN HOW I VIEW WOMEN AND LOVE...I HAVE NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT..I'M THE LAST THING ON YOUR MIND AND I DOUBT IF YOUR FEELINGS ARE MUTUAL BUT U KNOW WHAT..I'M STARTING TO MEET SOME COOL WOMEN THAT MEET THE STANDARDS U HAVE HELPED ME SET AS WELL AS..........I DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT ON LOVE AGAIN...SO THIS IS MY ATTEMPT TO BRING THESE FEELINGS TO A CLOSURE..TO LET U KNOW HOW I HAVE BEEN FEELING SINCE I MET U...I KNOW I JUST DISAPPEARED OR BETTER YET RAN AWAY..LIFE HAS MOLDED ME INTO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T AFRAID OF LIFE ANYMORE...SO THIS IS MY TOAST TO CLOSURE AND IF NOT THEN TO NEW BEGINNINGS...